Taboo

"I can't think of a single reason why I should be a doctor, but I can think of a thousand reasons why I should quit. They make it hard on purpose. There are lives in our hands. There comes a moment when it's more than just a game, and you either take that step forward or turn around and walk away. I could quit but here's the thing, I love the playing field." -MG



It's inevitable. There are those rare days when I'm just too freakin' tired from studying, when I really don't want to crack open my Neuroscience book, when I just don't want to drag myself out in the torrential downpour to my 8am class, that I start to day-dream about what would happen if I hopped on a plane to the States and quit this whole med school thing.

It's med school taboo -- everyone thinks about it, but no one talks about it.

It only lasts for a few minutes. Usually, I snap out of it and my type-A personality takes over, reminding me that I have a quiz and lab assignment due for Physiology, and that I need to preread those lectures for Neuroscience. So, I'll head to the library, smile, say "hello" and "I'm fine" to those I pass by, when inside I may be feeling lonely and discouraged. Sometimes I wonder if I can do this for the rest of my life, and I wonder if those I pass by are thinking the same thing.

This feeling is one of the reasons why I decided to sign-up for the surgery selective. Not necessarily because I'm interested in applying for surgery residencies, but because I want to have more patient contact to remind me of the reasons why I decided to become a doctor in the first place. Right now, I'm spinning in an endless cycle of lectures, studying, and labs. It would be nice to throw a little real-life medicine in with all the science.

I'm certain that it happens to us all, yet we are all afraid to speak up and say something. It would be comforting to know that there are others out there. Others who felt something more than just "tired."

Dear Physiology Department,

Please make cardiophys as much fun as this...




xoxo,
Meg

Surgery?

I signed up for a surgery selective today! It's only one credit, pass/fail, but it runs for about six weeks and I should be able to see some interesting surgeries at Grenada's General Hospital. I'll be shadowing surgeons and Internal Medicine doctors twice a week, taking histories from patients, and most important of all, experiencing real medicine!

Hope to have some good stories to share soon...stay tuned!

The Fall of a Lion

A senator has died and it seems to be on everyone's minds. From the breaking news alerts that interrupted our favorite shows, to NYTimes op-ed pieces, even to facebook messages, people around the country are feeling a slight emotional tug at the mention of the long-standing senator from Massachusetts--even comparing him to some our nation's greatest heroes.

Although I disagreed with Mr. Kennedy on many issues (being a conservative-voting Vermonter will do that...and yes--I may be the ONLY Vermonter voting Republican -- and yes--I may have just told that to the generation of voters who secured the presidency for Mr. Obama) I did admire him for his committment to the advancement of healthcare in our country.

Healthcare reform for Senator Kennedy was "the cause of his life." He made it possible for workers to keep their coverage if they were injured on the job or had a pre-existing condition. He helped insure millions of children and senior citizens, many who health insurance companies refused to cover. And over the past several months as the latest healthcare battle was played out in Washington, his absence was significant. It is safe to say that he was the only person who could rally enough support behind one cause, his cause, healthcare for everyone in America.

And whether that would have been from the legislation that was being circulated before the August recess or a totally new bill, we might never know.



I wonder what may have happened if the Lion roared for a while longer.

Home

Finals are over and I'm now home in Vermont. I'm sitting on my back porch watching my puppy, Newman play with a stick -- more like a tree limb -- in my backyard and thinking how quickly time flies by. It seems like just yesterday my Dad was driving me to the airport at 4am in the blistering cold, on my way to an island I had never been to, where I was pinning all my hopes on a dream that may or may not come true. And now, five months later, I'm back home. I can officially call myself a medical student!

Now that I'm home, the summer feels like it's already flying by. I'll be working at the hospital in Burlington, but I like my job and it keeps me busy. Most of my friends are spread out across the country and I've already planned roadtrips to visit them all.

This may be crazy, but I miss Grenada. Maybe it's the great weather (it's been raining and 60-something degrees ever since I've been home), the new friends I made while I was there, or the spectacular views of the ocean. I am proud to say that I saw a great deal of the island during my first term, much more than some of my fellow SGUers. While I still have a lot to explore, I think I'm off to a good start. With all that the "Spice Island" has to offer, I'll be happy to return to my Grenada home in August.

Final Countdown

It's May and that means finals are almost here. It's overwhelming to think that I'll tested on so much information in so little time and also to imagine myself sitting in a plane on my way back to Vermont after spending four months here in Grenada. I've already done the math and there's no way I can fail any of my courses. I knew I could do it, deep down I knew I could, but now that the semester is winding down, I have this odd feeling and I'm not really sure how to describe it.

It's almost as if what once seemed impossible -- getting into medical school and surviving -- is now possible.

So, what's next? Well, a lot actually. I still have another year and a half in Grenada and two more years of rotations somewhere in the States. If I've learned anything while I've been down here, it's that I will never stop learning. Medicine is always changing, techniques are always advancing, and people always want more. I've had a wonderful experience at SGU so far and I'm so happy with my decision to come to Grenada.

I recently found this video on YouTube. It's funny and representative of about 99% of the stuff I've learned this term.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8bygOaphU4o

Okay, time to get back to the books!

Lottery

When I graduated from Boston College last May, there were many things I was sad to leave behind--friends, BC sports, feelings of camraderie and tradition--and one thing I was happy to say goodbye to: the housing lottery.

Well, things in medical school aren't very different. At SGU, you choose a group of students you want to live with and enter the lottery. The Housing Office sends out an e-mail announcing the lottery and within the week you must find this group of students. Only 60% will be granted on-campus housing, the rest may test their fate with the waiting list or choose from a variety of lovely off-campus options.

I'm one of the lucky ones. Although involved in a housing mix-up at first, I was placed in a suite with upper-term students and living with them has been amazing. It's a nice escape to come back to my dorm and not have to constantly talk about what just happened in lecture. We will be entering the lottery together, so keep your fingers crossed--there aren't any extra points for seniority!

To Match or Not to Match?

Today, fourth year medical students all across the country opened envelopes, placed phone calls, and checked their e-mail to see where they would be spending the next three to seven years of their lives.

It's Match Day.

Match Day has become the pinnacle of a medical student's education. During the fourth year, the academic load lightens as you once again put on your "applicant" hat and travel across the country to interview at different residency programs. The MS4 (fourth-year medical student) will rank their top residency programs while at the same time residency programs are ranking their top choices for newbie doctors. The preferences of all the applicants and all the residency programs are then entered into a giant computer. On Monday of Match Week, you find out if you placed into a program. On Thursday at noon, you find out where, traditionally at an elaborate ceremony in front of your entire class and extended family.

According to the National Resident Matching Program (NRMP) over 24,000 students were placed into residency training programs. However, close to 30,000 students sought residency positions through the NRMP this year--what happens to the other 6,000 doctors? They enter a process known as "the Scramble," a no-rules race to fill one of the few open residency positions left. And it all has to be done before they serve the punch and cut the cake at the Match Day ceremony. Some pinnacle.

As an international medical student, I will be at a slight disadvantage heading into the Match. I will have to study longer to keep my GPA up, score higher on the USMLE, and work harder to impress my clinical teachers during rotations.

Although...I can sleep better at night knowing that I'm attending the "Harvard of the Caribbean."

Here's a link to SGU's 2009 Match results. Make sure to check out the 2010 results, as many students will spend one year in General Medicine or Internal Medicine before moving on to a specialty like Diagnostic Radiology or Neurology. Look closely and you'll also notice that two students matched in my hometown of Milton, VT for Family Practice residencies and two others matched in Burlington, VT for Neurology and Pediatrics!

https://baysgu35.sgu.edu/ERD/2009/ResidPost.nsf/BYPGY?OpenView&RestrictToCategory=PGY1&Count=-1

Post-Midterm Itch

I have this itch. I'm not sure what it is or where it is, but it's definitely there and it's definitely itchy.

Midterms finished last week, meaning this past weekend was free of studying, reviewing lecture notes, writing flashcards, meeting with study groups, and "Gray's Anatomy." It was weird.

I went out to clubs. I ordered margaritas and Carib instead of water and diet coke.

I went to St. Georges. I chatted with the Reggae bus conductor about places to eat in town instead of reviewing lecture notes.

I went to the beach. I left my Netter's flashcards in my dorm room and brought my iPod with me. I bought a Jodi Picoult paperback from IGA to read on the beach.

I slept in. I had time to peruse the James Bond book my friend had sent me for my birthday.

Now, the weekend is over and the slate has been wiped clean. Time to prove yourself again. Classes start in an hour, labs resume next week.

How can I get rid of this itch to skip class and go to the beach?

Island Fever

It's been a while since I've written and for the few of you out there who read my blog I apologize. Studying for midterms was like having two full-time jobs: medical student and cheerleader to keep the medical student from giving up. Sure, you have family and friends that offer their endless love and support--and for that, I am so thankful--but at 3am when it's just you, your Netter's textbook, and your last can of DC, there isn't anyone to reach out to but yourself for motivation.

Thank goodness for that last can of DC. I survived midterms.

I felt absolutely exhilarated leaving Bell Hall after finishing the Biochemistry midterm. While some were dragging themselves back to their dorms to nap before Bananas, I was doing bell-kicks and cartwheels in the soccer field. It felt wonderful to be done with midterms--a true achievement! I was half-way through my first semester of medical school, I simply couldn't believe I had come this far.

I flew back to my room and grabbed my wristlet (we're only allowed to bring pencils and our SGU ID to examinations) ready to go out and celebrate. The only problem was, I couldn't find anyone. No one was answering their phones. Skype chatrooms were empty. Where were all the first-termers?

Disappointed by the fact that my class was so lame, I decided to go grocery shopping. It was on my "to-do" list for the weekend, although it was further down on the list after 1)partying 2)sleeping in and 3)BEACH. Either way, it was a must, especially after two weeks of eating cereal (with milk from a BOX!) granola bars and Kraft's macaroni and cheese.

I caught the bus headed for IGA and happened to sit next to Zach, a fellow Vermonter. He was off to Grand Anse beach, where it turned out the rest of our class was celebrating the end of midterms. Thrilled to discover where everyone was, I ditched my logical afternoon agenda and had drinks with Zach and his friends on the beach.

The boxed milk will just have to wait...

Comfort Food

One of the few things I miss living here in Grenada is American comfort food. Cheeseburgers, macaroni and cheese, turkey and mashed potatoes, apple pie, spaghetti and meatballs, Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough ice cream...

Mmm, my parotid, sublingual, and submandibular salivary glands are getting a work-out just thinking about it.

Filling your cart at the supermarket is another kind of challenge. Each week, I take the bus to IGA and walk up and down the aisles searching for brands that sound familiar or even for food items that sound familiar. For example, who on this planet would buy "cock soup?"

This past weekend, I was lucky enough to take a break from slaving over the hotplate in my kitchen to sample some of Grenada's finest cuisine. My new friends and I made a reservation (yes, we had to plan in advance!) at Patrick's Local Homestyle Cooking. Owner, chef, waiter, and entertainer, Patrick Levine treated us to a feast of local dishes--20 total! It was delicious and all served with a spicy nutmeg rum punch.

Here's a rundown of the 20 courses: ginger pork, ocean crab salad, fresh fish steaks, eggplant in beer batter, cod fish fritters, rice and peas in coconut creme, stir-fried rabbit, callaloo, pumpkin, beef casserole curried mutton, lobster salad, chicken in white wine sauce, fried plantain, cray fish broth, potato salad, lamb, sea urchin, coo coo, and several other dishes that were simply fabulous, but I had no idea what I was eating.

Overall, the experience was wonderful and I will be sure to visit Patrick again. Sure beats cock soup.

Blowin' in the Wind

Things in Grenada (and at medical school) seem to change rather quickly. I'll wake up in the morning and look out my window to see the sun shining off the ocean, waves calmly washing up upon the shore, people playing cricket in the field...and the next minute the skies rip open, rain falls, the wind blows, and my classmates and I are being called a disgrace by our professor (over half failed the biochemistry part of our exam) and the only thing I want to do is hop on the next plane bound for the States.

Being a medical student is an extremely humbling experience. Everyday is a struggle to prove yourself worthy and I am reminded how much I do not know (a lot) every single day. All you want is for someone to offer you a pat on the back, a "good job," or even an awkward wink from a creepy Anatomy professor. At this point, I would take anything, but no, gold stars aren't included in the tuition.

So, you rally around your new friends, form more study groups, and hope that strength really does come in numbers. There have been many ups and downs during the first month, a lot more than I could have imagined possible, but things change quickly. As quickly as the wind, the weather, my love for Grenada. As quickly as the confidence I have in myself changes. And I think it's important to remember that. It's too easy to fall into the trap of feeling sorry for yourself. After all, you never know what each day will bring.


I hope tomorrow's wind brings sunshine.

After the Unified

It's over. Yes, you can remove that IV of diet coke now.

So, the first exam of medical school has come and gone. It's called the Unified because it covers everything -- anatomy, biochemistry, and histology. Oh, I almost forgot that it also included our bioethics final exam, worth 90% of the final grade.

Now that the hierarchy at the library has been restored (sorry, upper-termers), it's time to celebrate. I'm off to Bananas, a local restaurant/bar where the Indian Medical Student's Association is hosting "Bananas Pajamas" night.

At least I'm not going out with my "Gray's Anatomy." Cheers, Grenada!

Get Over It

Last weekend was Parent's Weekend here at St. George's. Many first-termers, including myself, put our studies on the back-burner for a few days while we entertained family and friends on island cruises and nutmeg factory tours. At the end of it all was the White Coat Ceremony, an event to celebrate the beginning of our medical education.

The Master of Ceremonies was Dr. Reginald Abraham, a St. George's graduate from the class of 1990, and he left a lasting impression on me. Up until last weekend, one of the most common questions to ask a first-termer was where they applied to medical school in the States. During his opening remarks, Dr. Abraham addressed this by saying,

"You're here now. Get over it."

Wow. Tough love hurts, but it works, too. I stopped asking that question and never answered it when I was asked again.

Now that the honeymoon's over, the parent's are gone, and SGU has stopped giving away free food, it's time to catch up. The Bioethics Final is only a few weeks away and everyone is trying to figure out the best way to handle the workload. Whether it's by using the BRS (Board Review Series) or the Mac Daddy (SECRET file passed down from upper-termers containing old tests) everyone has their own unique way of studying and it can be easy to fall into the trap of freaking out because you aren't doing what everyone else is doing.

Take anatomy lab, for example. This week was our first session and a few students decided to take a peek at the cadavers BEFORE lab had even started. After the rumors started to spread about this rogue group, more students went nuts, causing masses of first-termers to pack the anatomy lab to PRE-study before the lab sessions had started.

Get over it. Dr. Abraham's words were all I could think of when a few of my friends asked if I wanted to tag-along on their late-night, freak-out journey to the anatomy lab. I declined, opting instead to catch up with my college roommate via Skype. In the end, I was more than prepared for anatomy lab and held my own during the professor's examination.

It's only been a few weeks and many of us are already losing confidence. It might be the workload or the new location, but either way, we're making it harder for ourselves to succeed by obsessing over the Mac Daddy or spreading a rumor about an online quiz.

The first two years of Medical School seem to break you free from your interest in caring for people. An odd way to build the foundation for one's medical education, right?

Taped to the wall near my desk is a card given to me from a friend. His name is David and he is a resident at an assisted-living center where I used to work. I brought the card with me to Grenada as a reminder of why I am here and why I am putting myself through years of hard work and huge amounts of debt. Whenever I feel troubled or that I can't handle the pressure, I read his inscription as a way to motivate myself to keep going.

I move on. I get over it. I re-open "Gray's Anatomy."

White Coat Ceremony

Today is the beginning of my medical education and training as a physician. I acknowledge my responsibility to continue the pursuit of knowledge and understanding until that day when I will cease to be a practicing physician.

I am entering training for a noble profession in which my interest must always be subservient to those who may seek my assistance. I must be ever conscious of the value of my fellow health professionals and treat them with respect at all times. My classmates at St. George's University are now my colleagues and I owe to them the same support and encouragement to achieve their goals as I hope to receive from them. I will work alongside my colleagues and professors with tolerance, compassion and honesty.

I acknowledge my obligation to adhere to the University Honor Code and to conduct myself with integrity and in an ethical manner at all times henceforth. I shall do all within my power to show in myself an example of all that is honorable and good throughout my medical career. It is a privilege to have been given the opportunity to become a physician. May I be ever conscious of that privilege and never abuse it.

-- St. George's University Professional Commitment

Greek Life at SGU

Tonight was the orientation bazaar, quite the bizarre event in its own right, officially marking the end of orientation. Tomorrow, I begin medical school with my first class, Histology, at 1pm. As I reflect on the past five days, I am in awe of how little time has past and how strong a bond I feel towards this place. I haven't even cracked open a textbook and I already feel like a medical student.

It makes me wonder--isn't this a bit odd? Shouldn't I have to prove myself in some way, say ace a quiz or successfully perform cardiopulmonary resuscitation before I can say I'm a med student? Collecting brochures from the various tents and tables of student organizations on campus was a blast, but what gives me the right to join Women in Medicine to help Grenadian teenagers finish high school or spread awareness about breast cancer? How am I qualified to run for an officer position in the Emergency Medicine Club and learn how to perform intubation techniques?

Just as I was beginning to doubt myself and walk back through the muddy puddles towards my dorm (we had one of those 3-minute downpours I had described earlier) I recognized someone who had been on my flight from Puerto Rico to Grenada walking towards the same table. It was Toga-Guy.

Okay, going off on a brief tangent here. Hold on to your hats, folks.

There were a several online articles, blogs, and Facebook groups that members of the January 2009 Entering Class joined to share tips and stories before we all headed down to Grenada. One gentlemen, whose profile picture features him wearing an orange toga, (his real name will not be used in this blog, so I will refer to him as Toga-Guy) posted many, many times, far more than necessary and therefore, became legendary--not in a good way.

Anyway, when I saw Toga-Guy speaking with the Emergency Medicine Club representatives, I started to cheer up. I thought to myself, if he thinks he can do it, then I most certainly am qualified, too. And so, I paid the $40 EC ($15 USD) for club dues and a t-shirt that reads "busting ours to save yours" across the back. It may not be true just yet, but I'm willing to bet that in a year I'll know a few tricks.

And hey, who knows? Maybe Toga-Guy and I will be lab partners in Histology.

BTV to GND

"The brightness of a new page, where everything yet can happen."


-- Rainer Maria Rilke

Hi Everyone!

I hope this post finds you safe and warm wherever you may be. I made it to Grenada and am settling in quite nicely to life here on the "Spice Isle." I live in a suite with two women, one from Hawaii and the other from Toronto, both in their second year of medical school. There was a small housing mix-up, so I will not be rooming with first-year medical students, but on a more positive note, I have a single room!

So far this week, I bought a cell phone, opened a bank account, and registered for classes. I've also toured the capital city of St. George's, bought my textbooks, and and visited a nutmeg factory. Ahh, how exciting! Later this weekend, orientation begins. Besides learning how not to fail, become an alcoholic (Grenada has three rum distillaries), or want to jump off the breath-taking (hehe) cliff that borders campus, I will take part in many social events and nerdy (cue snort) lectures.

It's been a lot of fun and I've met so many people from such interesting places! Of course, "interesting" to me means San Francisco or Atlanta, but I've even talked to a few people from as far away as and India and Singapore. I haven't met anyone from Vermont or BC yet, but I'm still holding out hope.

Let me tell you about the thing I love most about Grenada. You might think it's the sun, or the happy people, or the fancy drinks with little umbrellas. Well, you're wrong. It's the rain.

Yes, your first-grade reading skills are correct. The rain.

It was raining when my plane landed on Tuesday and every once in a while (say every 15 hours or so) it pours for about three minutes or so. Just enough to wet the pavement and leave that dewy scent in the air. After traveling for what felt like half of my life and stepping out of the plane and into a brick wall of humidity, it was sheer relief to feel a few drops falling on my head.

There's a saying here that the Grenadian people will run away from the rain, but run towards a bullet. It doesn't make much sense to me, but it's nice knowing that if Grenada doesn't have to be perfect all the time, then neither do I.

That's the update for now! It's time for me to slather on another layer of sunscreen and head out into the sun.

Lots of love,
Meg